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Most people’s memory suck, that is a fact.

Dispute it if you want, but none of us is really born with a natural talent or the knowledge of how to use our memory properly and it is only when you start using your memory as you are growing that you…

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Everyone has bad days.

Some people have it better than others and some have it worse than others.

But usually, the happy events outnumber the sad events so, in the end, most of the days should wind up being positive.

However, if those bad days start to string together into…

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Arguments are never fun. Some people hate it, most people avoid it.

…And then there are the few rare ones that just love to argue.

But don’t worry, we won’t be talking about those weirdos today…even therapy can’t do much to help save them.

However, on the odd occasions (depending…

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Most people think business is hard and they’d be right.

But it's not just hard because you have to work 25 hours a day, 8 days a week on something that has like 0% chance of succeeding.

No.

The hardest part of business is dealing with the personal changes you…

Image from Wikipedia

Quotes are everywhere, but the best are often hidden away or left unsaid.

Not the case here though!

Today, I wanna share with you some of the most iconic and greatest quotes from America’s greatest humorist, and the one William Faulkner called “The father of American literature”.

This guy has…

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Bored?

Don’t worry!

Here, I have compiled 200 of the weirdest thoughts and ideas out there that will make you ponder the little things in life.

Your life is complicated enough as it is, don’t make it more stressful by thinking about what you are going to do tomorrow.

1. “Don’t Text and Drive” signs are most likely being missed by their target demographics

2. If you start counting from zero your lips won’t touch til you reach one million.

3. Comfortable sleeping positions often look like you fell from a 3rd story window.

4. Even if you read 1 book every month starting at age 10, you can realistically read no more than 1000 books in your whole life.

5. Losing bad friends feel bad, but really you’re losing nothing because they were never friends in the first place.

6. As children we believed adults have their life figured out, but as we get older (regardless of age) we’re always confused and feel hopeless.

7. Your penis gets hard at the same rate your heart beats.

8. The word “overexaggerating” is an overexaggeration.

9. Dogs don’t care if you fart on them.

10. Shoes are boxing gloves for your feet.

11. If Pinocchio said his nose would grow, it would grow, but not because he is lying.

12. You have outlived every bug or insect you have ever been afraid of.

13. If SD cards are thin and flat and in a similar shape to floppy disks why don’t we just make floppy SDs with tons of storage?

14. The percentage of birds who’ve seen fish is probably greater than the percentage of fish who’ve seen birds.

15. Freshwater fish is called seafood even though it isn’t actually “sea-food”.

16. A harpoon is a water gun. But a water gun is not a harpoon.

17. People with six fingers can’t give someone the middle finger.

18. It’s possible for a woman to give birth to a whole football team

19. Veterinarians are the only medical field profession where it is socially acceptable to hug and kiss your clients.

20. Not all fast cars are loud, but all slow cars pretending to be fast are loud.

21. When you write down a note you’re talking to yourself in the future.

22. You’re a past version of your future self.

23. The only thing we learn from history is that we do not learn from history.

24. If you laugh to death, you won’t cry tomorrow.

25. If you add infinity to negative infinity would the result be infinity or zero?

26. Having no one supporting your content is depressing. Having a small fanbase is fun. Having a large fanbase is a chore.

27. When the power of love overcomes the love of power, the world will know peace.

28. If zombies were real, they would stink of shit and piss, leaving behind a trail of bodily fluids instead of blood.

29. You pass the day of your death every year without knowing it.

30. If psychopaths are people who lack empathy, then all babies are psychopaths.

31. To a fly, humans are food factories.

32. If you start with “Technically,” you can get away with mostly any nonsense.

33. Earbuds, earphones, and headphones are all fine. But headbuds is weird.

34. People are more afraid of thinking of themselves as bad than actually doing bad things.

35. You can remember the moment right when you woke up but never when you go to sleep.

36. Greatest minds on the earth are finding how to increase sales of some luxury product, instead of saving the earth.

37. If someone yells at you, they still care for you. It’s when they stop talking to you that they no longer respect you.

38. Mosquitos hunt humans for food.

39. Finishing a good show feels like saying goodbye to a friend you might never see again.

40. You can bake soft food but never boil crunchy food.

41. Every woman that has a daughter is adding to an unbroken chain of births that stretches back to the beginning of sexual reproduction.

42. If you finely chew your food, anything could be a drink. Due to it mixing with your saliva. Just like how Cereal is a Soup.

43. Wealth is not how much money you make but how much money you keep.

44. It is completely pointless for people to move their lips when speaking in dreams.

45. Nobody will ever truly understand you like yourself.

46. Pigs/Cows/Sheep don’t have arms, yet they still have shoulders.

47. If you make an explosion of sufficient magnitude, bits of it will gain consciousness and contemplate its place in itself.

48. Lawyers are paid to argue with other lawyers in front of someone who was also a lawyer by following a set of ethics which was written by lawyers.

49. Since our conscious “selves” are in our brains, people don’t get their heads cut off, they get their bodies cut off.

50. It would suck to be the person at the bottom of the “there’s always someone worse off than you” chain.

51. If you move your body in the right way, you will eventually become the richest person in the world.

52. Most gossipers do not realize how toxic they seem to non-gossipers.

53. After effects doesn’t get used “after” the effects, but it's actually the tool for making them.

54. Others do unto you what they would have you do unto them.

55. We probably don’t even know who is the fakest person that we’ve ever met.

56. If an EMP shockwave hit Silicon Valley so many people would go from society’s ‘movers and shakers’ to society’s completely useless in an instant.

57. You’ve been deeper in your mom than any other human…except your siblings.

58. Childhood is mostly about trying to figure out what adults are talking about.

59. Ironman’s first few suits probably didn’t have fart filters, but his later ones probably did.

60. If the theory of infinite realities is true, then all the fake scenarios in your head already happened in another reality.

61. Revenge is best kept a secret, for it to be sweet.

62. If dogs (and other animals) can’t understand clothing, they must think humans just change colours…

63. You can eat as much as your own snot as you want, without gaining any weight.

64. We want to be known by our highlights, yet we judge others by their lowlights.

65. Getting old is a privilege not everyone is lucky enough to enjoy.

66. Your eyes automatically blur the background for you

67. Nobody knows the thing that everybody knows.

68. People used to hate on vertical videos, nowadays we just consume them on a vertical screen.

69. Getting a second opinion is another way of telling the first guy you want a competent opinion.

70. Your will is unpredictable but not free.

71. Your funeral picture could’ve already been taken.

72. Mistakes make babies, and babies make mistakes.

73. Whenever you take a journey, there’s a chance that you just set the record for the fastest journey on that route.

74. No one likes spoiled milk, but a lot of people like cheese.

75. The Chinese have a lot more quotable old proverbs than any other culture.

76. So many thoughts and only a few that make a difference.

77. It’s easier to imagine a 5-second long Meowing than a 5-second long Barking.

78. You don’t wear a buttplug. It wears you.

79. If you replaced paintballs with lotionballs and then you could just rub the lotion into your skin.

80. Cavemen probably had snowball fights.

81. In science quantitative studies are preferred to qualitative but in normal language, the saying “quality over quantity” is used.

82. If you look in the fridge for food, but there’s none, you crave it even more.

83. There’s one musical instrument everyone can play from birth, the kazoo!

84. The surface of water is never flat. It's as curved as the earth’s curvature.

85. You don’t know if anyone is real. You are only taking everyone’s word that they have feelings.

86. Saying “I don’t have to justify myself to anyone!” is a justification.

87. If dogs (and other animals) CAN understand clothing, they probably think of human clothing as removable fur.

88. We all speak the same language but use different synonyms.

89. If you throw a rock at a lake or the river, you’re might be the last person to ever touch that rock.

90. It must be hard for tall people not to feel like they’re above everyone when they literally are.

91. If the press release for a huge drugs bust said “100kg of heroin that’s actually worthless…” rather than “…worth $74m” it would probably make some people drop out or reconsider the thought of joining the drug game.

92. You could have murdered somebody and forgot about it.

93. When a dog loves you they’d bring their precious toy to you, but we never share our phones with them.

94. A woman pregnant with twin boys has more balls than any guy in the world.

95. Humans are the only animals that have to pay to take a shit.

96. You know you’re really depressed when you can’t fake being happy for even a few minutes anymore.

97. Dreams are technically loading sequences for the next day.

98. Sometimes the thought of having to do a task is more draining than doing the task itself.

99. Men are societally expected to have higher body counts than women, but it's easier statistically for women to have a higher number.

100. If you commit a crime and don’t get caught, you’ve basically earned your freedom.

101. We’re all living in a hentai episode because we all have a tentacle in our mouths.

102. Having animals fight for sport is real-life Pokémon.

103. If teachers and incapable of teaching every single lesson then why are the students expected to learn every single one of these at a high level?

104. Being pregnant is a walking advertisement to everyone that you had sex recently.

105. You seek happiness outside, but in reality, it’s inside.

106. When we sweat we are seasoning ourselves.

107. Santa Claus never gets caught, but everyone knows what he looks like.

108. If pop stars weren’t always young there’d probably be fewer songs about sex and relationships but way more about mortgages.

109. Journalism is simultaneously one of the safest and the most dangerous professions depending on where you live.

110. Making a Scissors Motion with your fingers to show that you need scissors never requires translation.

111. If you are not strong enough for your job then just hand in your too weak notice.

112. If you water water, it grows.

113. Websites have ads on other websites to get ad revenue from other websites and the cycle repeats.

114. Nobody actually smokes. They’re just the sucker.

115. Cereals with milk and butter on toast are made from the same base ingredients.

116. Computers can know many programming languages, but not speak any of them.

117. Eggs are naturally occurring butt plugs.

118. Spelling tests are the only tests in which you are given the answer sheet before the exam.

119. Humans are so good at finding patterns that we can often find one even when there isn’t any.

120. Being Lucky is a superpower nobody has figured out yet.

121. You very rarely want a completely honest answer to the question, “How are you?”

122. Soft would sound softer without the T.

123. Setting up an animal farm to sell their meat is perfectly okay. Setting up a human farm to sell their organs is frowned upon.

124. Having money without happiness is hard, but finding happiness with no money is harder.

125. If you give a man a match, he’ll be warm for a day. But if you light a man on fire, he’ll be warm for the rest of his life.

126. We all wait differently for the same outcome…death.

127. When you love someone more than they deserve, they will hurt you more than you deserve.

128. Anticipation is the most dishonest feeling, telling you often things will be worse or better than they ever are.

129. During the summer, a fully solar-powered house is being cooled down by the same sun that is also heating it up in the first place.

130. No other species in the world realize they are naked.

131. When VR becomes the main gaming medium, gamers will most likely be in better shape.

132. Blowjobs are the only jobs where one can suck and be good at simultaneously.

133. Don’t worry about what you’ll regret on your death bed. You won’t be there for long.

134. Baby products never get reviews from their users.

135. Stores that are open 24 hours a day only turn their lights off a few times a year on major holidays.

136. Social media conditions us to think it’s normal to share our lives with large audiences.

137. They don’t build casinos for winners.

138. Leadership is about the true abandonment of yourself.

139. You can only speak a limited amount of words in your entire lifetime.

140. Most people’s actions are just a copy of other people’s actions.

141. There are days in your life that you have completely forgotten. You will probably forget that today even happened at some point.

142. Intelligent people are always full of doubts while stupid ones are always full of confidence.

143. It’s odd how your feet are so sensitive to touch and tickles while being one of the most used and abused parts of your body.

144. Sometimes it’s easier to talk with complete strangers about really personal problems than friends and family.

145. A clear toothpaste tube would make so much sense.

146. You legally have a family, you can legally have a partner and you can legally have children. However, you never actually legally have any friends.

147. Schools tell you to express yourself and then punishes you when you do.

148. All dogs deserve a home. But not all homes deserve a dog.

149. If you don’t believe muscle memory is real, just rearrange the icons on your phone.

150. Juice tastes better when you stand there and drink it with the fridge door open.

151. Nightmares are just free horror movies that you produce, direct and star in.

152. Alcohol tastes better when you’re underage because the secret ingredient is crime.

153. If you wear the same shirt that is too similar two days in a row, people will assume you wore the same shirt. However, if you actually wear the same pair of jeans two days in a row, nobody will notice or care.

154. You can remove any one letter from the word “seat” and still end up with a real word.

155. Flip phones were so much more satisfying for ending annoying conversations.

156. Without that little voice in your head, you wouldn’t be able to read this.

157. We squint at the sun because it’s bright, we squint at people because they are not.

158. Graduating from school is realising you’ve worked your whole life so you can now work your whole life.

159. A true test of someone’s character is denying them what they want and seeing how they deal with that.

160. The good memories hurt more than the bad ones.

161. When you bump into a stranger, know that hundreds upon thousands of choices made by both of you, both your ancestors and many others led to it happening.

162. We pay tax on items we purchase with money we earn that has already been taxed.

163. Maturity is writing a toxic message and deleting it halfway.

164. Feeling a crunch on a non-crunchy food is the most terrifying experience you can have while eating.

165. There is no faster time period we experience than the one between your first alarm and second alarm.

166. We could all decide to make a random person famous if we wanted to.

167. At around 4:30 AM is where it stops being really late and starts being really early.

168. Maybe ghosts of insects you’ve killed come back to haunt you and that’s why it sometimes feels like a bug is crawling on you when there actually isn’t one.

169. If your partner cheats on you, getting mad and fighting with the person they’re cheating on you with is like treating the symptoms instead of the disease.

170. When you say ‘Forward’ or ‘Back’, your lips move in those directions.

171. Dogs probably destroy shoes because they see humans put them on before they leave the house.

172. Squirrels literally look and act like it’s their first day being a squirrel.

173. Getting offended by someone else’s opinion is like twisting your ankle when someone else trips.

174. Ketchup is refrigerated at home but not at restaurants.

175. True love is finding that special person you are comfortable exposing 95% of your true self to, and it doesn’t result in a catastrophe.

176. The fact that action figures are technically just miniature dolls is the first difficult truth most boys have to confront.

177. If your friends tell you not to give in to peer pressure and you don’t, technically, you just did.

178. The word “quiet” is often said very loud.

179. There are people confident enough to be the first to start clapping in a crowd.

180. So many people are in love, but not together. So many people are together, but not in love.

181. EAT becomes FAT if you don’t draw the line.

182. Cartoons inside cartoons are actually live-action series in their universes.

183. Baby butterflies don’t exist.

184. If you flip a coin and don’t like the answer, you know what you really wanted.

185. Your date of birth could be completely made up and you would never know.

186. Imagine how much scarier the ocean would be if we fell through it as fast as we fall through the air.

187. If scratch-off lottery tickets would cost 99 cents instead of one dollar, people would have 1 cent to scratch it off with.

188. Sometimes I keep the subtitles on because I would be snacking too loud.

189. Knuckles are just tiny elbows.

190. We encourage people to do what they love but we judge them when they actually do it.

191. If you wake up tired, what did you actually sleep for then?

192. The best part about being an introvert is all the money you save by not doing social interactions.

193. You have probably called someone in the past and hope they didn’t answer…just to say you called.

194. The human body accepts replacement parts better than Apple products.

195. If you spell wrong wrong, you haven’t spelt it right, therefore it’s wrong. But it is also not wrong, because it’s not right!

196. The fondest childhood memory you had was probably thinking $100 is a lot of money.

197. Growing up is realizing that having enough money to buy something and being able to afford it are two very different things.

198. Being a parent will teach you more about childhood than your own childhood.

199. An underrated perk of being an adult is you no longer outgrow your clothes!

200. Reading this article is like reading only the titles of 200 other random articles.

Hey…

These are seriously life-changing words…

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